I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genatals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into the third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. Ther were
200 monkeys lying all over my room
on the bead, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200
throw rugs. I tried to flush one monkey down the toilet. It didn't work. It
got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead dry
monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked
for a while, that is untill they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so that it didn't go bad.I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bead was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had 1 dead, wet monkey in my toiler; two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundered ninty-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.
The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take it eather. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.